Cripple Fight.

Jimmy and Timmy fighting over their latest discovery

Fact: Rain + Night = People driving like morons.

Is the Cape full of Jollers at the moment or are Joburg drivers really better than Cape Town drivers? All I know is that the roads in Cape Town are a nightmare in this weather! The volume on my car radio hasn't been past 15 in weeks. This seems to make trips so much longer!


Come people enough is enough now, lets work together on this.

It's not that difficult.

The roads haven't moved, it's just a little rain.


(If the picture above doesn't make sense don't worry. It's directed at the jimmy who ended my anonymity, gave me writers block and pretty much fucked up everything.)

The dreaded phone call.

I've just made that dreaded call we all fear and hate. The one that involves much preparation...

Step 1: You move your couch next to the phone (unless you have a cordless phone, in which case moving the couch would just be silly).

Step 2: You make yourself a cup of tea and maybe a sandwich.

Step 3: You cancel whatever plans you had for the next hour or two.

Step 4: You take your cup of tea, sandwich and phone to the couch and get comfortable.

Step 5: You dial 10219...


This is followed by 'breath taking' music, much waiting and, if you're really lucky, a conversation with a moron.

Take this mornings operator for example:

Call operator: Heello #genius# speaking how may I help you?
Me: Hi there I want to report a faulty ADSL line.
C O: OK. One moment please. (a minute later) OK what is your telephone number.
Me: #1 800 3825 3223# (that might spell something rude)
C O: OK. One moment please. (at least 3 minutes later). Yes your line is faulty.
Me: Really? Oh I thought it was working fine.
C O: No it is coming up on my computer as faulty.
Me: Ok. Can you fix it?
C O: No. I have to pass it on to our technical support.
Me: Ok. Do that then.
C O: OK. Anything else I can help you with?
Me: No no. Just the faulty line for now, thanks.
C O: OK. Have a good day.

This was followed by more waiting, though not as long this time, and a conversation that was far less entertaining. Bottom line is the guys that telkom outsource all their problems to are on the case and my line should be up and running sometime in August. Cool. If you're wondering how I'm writing this now then wonder no more. It's called 3G HSDPA...

Our boy trying to concentrate in the midst of all the chaos.

Morning after mumbles.

This morning I was woken by the voices in my head when they decided to have a go at each other.

Voice of reason: Yup. That's what you get for drinking so much last night.

Satan: Shh. I'm sleeping.

V o r: Well you better wake up because the doorbell's ringing. I think the maid forgot how to open the gate.

S: For fuck sakes princess. It's the GREEN button!

V o r: Yes that's it. Screaming makes the headache go away.

S: Whatever. Last night was a blast. Don't act like you didn't enjoy it.

This conversation went on for a while until finally Satan agreed to leave. No doubt he'll be back on the weekend though.

My usual morning after routine followed which went a little something like this:

Step 1: Check phone for clues as to what transpired last night. Check also victims of drunk calling/texting.

Apparently I phoned someone I met on the weekend. She didn't answer. Thank Christ. Though she wouldn't would she because a: it was 3 in the morning and b: she didn't answer the first time I called and still hasn't replied. Not sure why she gave me her number.

Step 2: Get up and stroll into the kitchen to rehydrate (Big word, I know). Check also the rubbish bin to see what I bought to eat on my way home.

I found a Barcello's box. Thanks guys, I'm sure it was good. Also an empty packet of chips. Hmm. That's interesting.

Step 3: Go outside and check car. Make sure that a: it's there, and b: it's in one piece.

Well it was there and in one piece but on closer inspection it appeared to have had some interior redecoration. Cheesey poofs everywhere! Note to self: never buy Cheesey poofs for the ride home. They're a nightmare to clean and messing is inevitable (Another big word. Hectic, I know).

Step 4: Make a few phone calls to make sure I still have friends and that they're still talking to me.

It would appear that I was relatively well behaved last night...

Step 5: Find food and drink and go max out in front of the TV for a good hour or two.

Nothing better than watching TV the morning after. Things are so much funnier. Even Casino Royale struck the funny bone.

Classic line of the day comes from the scene when Bond, James Bond, meets Vesper on the train... "How was the lamb sir?". "Skewered. One sympathizes".

Just brilliant.

Till next time...

Word association.

Exams - Done.

Holiday - Welcome.

Drinks - Umm... Ya.


That's all. Just thought I'd share that with you. I'm sure tomorrow will bring with it a few stories.

Friday night banter.

Yes it's Friday night and yes I'm sitting in front of the computer. Why? Caus I feel like it.

I was doing a bit of 'surfing' and just cant help but comment on my findings...

First I'm quickly going to go back a few weeks to reveal my existence. (on blogger in case you're now thinking I'm only a few weeks old). I came across blogger through 2oceansvibe when I found a link to Baglett (entertaining stuff. Good work Baglett). Still being fairly new at this game I now find myself checking out other blogs. Hence the Friday night banter...

The comments on a particular article just did it for me. Some oke decided to have a little go at the readers/author by writing random comments after the article.

Just priceless.

Here we go kids I've found a way for you to feel better about yourself. Especially those of you who get bullied and feel insignificant. I think I should patent this idea. Can make millions.

So here we go. This is what you do:

You go find a blog, of your choice, and wait for someone to write something that sparks your 'wit'. Then, and this is the money maker, you unleash all your fury on the stranger that you're not face-to-face to, have all the time you need to choose your words and will never have to worry about the consequences. Great. What a brilliant idea.

I can just picture the little computer geek sitting in his moms basement feeling all big about himself because he told someone off. You know what tough guy. People like Tiger Woods; Michael Jordon; Roger Federer... They're not winners. You are.

Blasphemy - not for everyone.

I'm reading this rather exciting book at the moment, one I found in the library. Problem is it's author enjoys cussing. While this is no problem for me, in fact I quite enjoy it, it is a problem for some. This I can understand. However, what I don't understand is why someone who didn't appreciate his style of writing felt the need to scratch out every single profanity in his entire book!

Sweet Jesus. (scratch that out)

I don't like seafood but do you see me swimming around trying to poke holes in fishing boats? No. You don't! That would be ridiculous in this weather. So a big fuck you very much to the soul who made me go out and buy a new book. I'll donate it to the library on your behalf. Then I'll go find 10 more books that use even worse language and donate them too.

On a more light hearted note my typing is getting quiiick. I find myself blowing on the keyboard from time to time as it overheats. The days of '2 finger typing' from typing 101 are over. Welcome the days of typing 201 where my pinky darts out every now and then to hit the keys in the far corner. Though most of the time they miss their mark it is nice to have them on the team. Welcome guys. Now I just have to introduce my middle fingers to the game. Though I think thats more typing 301. Looking forward to it.

Phase 1 complete, thanks Lisa.

Congratulations go out to lucky ready number......1! Stay tuned for more details.

I spoke to the financial adviser this morning regarding a recent job opportunity I stumbled upon. It would appear that things are on the up. It would also appear that my long list of 'ingenious ideas' finally includes one with potential. Telling you what it involves would be silly, so I won't. Sorry.

Press release:

For some reason I went for a run today (not something I usually do) and have decided never to do so again. I just wasn't designed to run. Put me on a bike and I'll build up a sweat. Though not on a gym bike, cycling for an hour and not moving is just ridiculous. That said road riders cause chaos. Dodging rogue taxi's is bad enough. In other words what I'm trying to say is this: When I get in my car I would like people to just get the hell out my way. A clear path from point A to B would be nice. Thanks.

Moving on to phase 2...