Need for speed.

Yesterday, on my way home, the guy in front of me decided to do an emergency brake test.
Post-test analysis shows that:

A. My brakes work.
B. I have the reflexes of a cat.
C. I have a short temper.
D. My right-middle finger is slightly bent.

A little further down the road I realized the reason for this little exercise. Standing on the side of the road was one times evil speed camera. No flashes went off, thankfully, but it nearly caused something far worse. The rest of the ride home was spent thinking of ways to eliminate all speed cameras. I remembered an article I read a month or two ago…

Top this for a speeding ticket.

Two British patrol officers were involved in an unusual incident, while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road.

One of the officers used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was surprised when the speed was recorded at over 300mph. The machine then stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.

The radar had, in fact, locked on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet over the North Sea, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Borders district.

Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.

Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style. “Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had automatically locked on to your ‘hostile radar equipment’ and sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, the Sidewinder air-to-ground missiles aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also locked on to the target. Fortunately the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado responded to the missile status alert intelligently and was able to override the automatic protection system before the missile was launched.”

I know you're all thinking 'Stupid bloody Dutch pilot. Shoot the bastards!' But that's a bit rude. Also 'laconic? What the hell does that mean?' Well the MS word thesaurus gives concise as a synonym.


Anyway I came up with something far better. I managed to get hold of Jacob and have put in an order for one times radar jamming device and one times Sidewinder ground-to-ground missile launcher. I just have to figure out a way to attach these to my car without them looking too obvious. Maybe in the sauna later I'll figure it all out. That's where all my hair-brained ideas surface. Will keep you posted.